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Don't be mean. I promise to do my best to judge that fairly.
Ok, but what is it about?
OP is a native of Albany, NY, where everybody refers to hamburgers as steamed hams, even when it comes to their patented family recipes. This is for when OP must meet with other people who are not familiar with the regional dialect, even those from Utica, and are preparing for an unforgettable luncheon.
And they call them steamed hams, despite the fact that they are obviously grilled?
Ah, I see.
the way i interpreted it is that it's about the "but dude/man/bro is gender neutral!" thing, when someone expresses that they don't like being referred to using masculine terms
I do actually call my mom bro, but if like, a friend or coworker said "don't call me that" I just wouldn't do it.
Yeah, I definitely see those as contextually non-gendered, but the moment someone asks me not to call them a certain thing.... I just don't call them that again, and apologize if I do. It takes almost 0 effort to use a different word.
I call my husband bro, and while he is a dude, he’s definitely not my brother (also he calls me bro and I’m a woman ish).
But yeah, talking to people in a way they dislike is making the world unhappier for no reason.
Edit: this is tangential to the real point of the post, which is just to not call people things they don't like.
Bro is harder to argue for sure.
And man, unless it's more, "oh man, that's rough" as an excalamatory rather than "good to see you man" is still gendered.
But dude has never been gendered. It was mostly used by guys towards guys, but the origins of that usage (rather than dude ranches or the derogatory term related to that) it was applied to everyone. Dudette came along later but was essentially created because the usage was male dominated, not because dude was gendered. It's one of the rare gender neutral, inclusive slang terms. So much so that when dudette was thrown around, it got rejected as unnecessary, and was sometimes taken offensively. Same with dudina and dudess.
Mind you, the era where it was mostly an underground slang used in African American circles is murkier, since it was underground, less written at the time, and after it got "borrowed" by white kids lost its popularity there.
But when surfer culture picked it up, and it spread via movies, female surfers were called dude, and used it the same way as female surfers. They were just such a minority that the association didn't stick in pop culture because what got seen was Spicoli, and the association with it as being used by guys about guys got absorbed as the primary usage.
There was no gender division in that origin, nor was there a need for it. There simply wasn't a female specific alternative to dude.
Since it is still used inclusively far more than it isn't, it's usually better to assume the best rather than the worst. Someone duding someone in a casual and friendly way is unlikely to be using it as a gendered term. It's more like buddy, or pal, or even mate than something like bro that started gendered and is still predominantly used that way.
I think that your intentions are good, but you're missing the point. If someone doesn't like what you're calling them, just don't call them that. I don't think if someone was called dude and didn't like it, that they would assume the worst, they would just ask you to please not call them that.
Sure, I probably should have specified I was going on a tangent rather than commenting on the post directly. Gonna edit that in. Thank you :)
Yeah, dude doesn't really bother me, but the others, as well as "guys," do. Bro has a natural feminine version: "sis." So does man: "woman" or "girl." Likewise for guys: "gals" or "girls." Making them gender neutral just causes confusion IMO, we should instead just use different terms w/o any gender association, such as "fellow," "friend," "home slice/skillet" (the 90s kid in me really wants that to come back), or the others you mentioned.
But yeah, dude is totally fine as a gender-neutral term due to surfer culture taking it over. But the others are a lot harder sell for me.
But yes, be excellent to each other. If your female friend wants to be called "bro," go nuts.
- Slurs in general
- Misgendering
My first thought was "queer." I know people who hate being called queer, but others still call them that anyway because they're "taking back the word" or something like that
It's a very interesting take that really makes you look at things from a different perspective, but it kinda breaks down if you think about it. If this person really was saying it like a pronoun with no offense intended, and they were using it to refer to half of everyone they spoke to, and it was how other people referred to that person themself too, then it would quickly seem fine to me. If everyone is calling people dipshit all the time then it quickly becomes nothing to care about
Yeah, it's kinda like cunt with aussies and brits.
Jesus fucking cunt, you cunt just drop cunt at every cunt you see or some cunts gonna get a cunt in their cunt about it
I disagree. If I don't like being called dispshit, the thing to do is not call me dipshit. Your intent stops mattering the moment you know how I prefer to be referred to and actively decline to respect it.
At the risk of bringing up a controversial topic, this principle seems to be applied inconsistently. Eg. the people who say "men are trash" and then "if it doesn't apply to you, it shouldn't hurt you" would probably agree with your stance, but this is inconsistent.
I’m personally kind of reminded of how “faggot” and “dyke” are being “taken back” and used jokingly/sarcastically, but I still get really uncomfortable if someone uses them with me. They’ll say “oh I don’t mean it offensively!” But it’s not really up to you to decide what’s offending another person or not.
I once had someone tell me very very earnestly that the word Queer - a word I literally marched under in protest - was the worst most horrible slur ever, then turn around and use fruit.
Baby comm members need naptime methinks
Generally being nice to other people is a good thing. It makes the world a nicer place for everyone. And in cases like this, it seems like it is pretty easy to be nice - just don't call that person 'dipshit'. That just seems like a very low-cost way to show the person that you respect them.
It’s like when I lived in Miami and everyone called me “gringo” or “flaco.” When I asked them to stop they would say it was endearing. But imagine if I called them “removed” or “fatty” what their reaction would be.
Reminds me of Nelson Piquet, a former F1 driver, calling Lewis Hamilton a Neguinho when he was talking about current day F1 drivers in an interview. He called every driver by their name except Hamilton. Then Piquet and his brother ofcourse went with the “that’s how we always call each other even my grandma calls me that” defense
You can call me a dumbass all you want, it's part of the reason I chose this name, besides being a dumbass.
Whatever you say, smartass
Well now I'm offended!
Language is owned by the group.
Individuals don't dictate to the group.
This individual is asserting a definition of "dipshit" that contradicts the definition held by the group.
are you saying it's unreasonable to ask not to be called something you don't want to be called?
There's a certain societal inertia you have to push against, and it's unrealistic to expect everyone to change these patterns for you instantly. Friends/family/kind acquaintances will take some time, and others may never change for your sake.
I understand the desire to have people use your pronouns, and as long as one can see what gender you are "presenting", one should use those pronouns.
If someone prefers other pronouns, then I'm sorry... Many people (me included) have a hard time remembering names... I wouldn't have a chance remembering a large set of different pronouns if I can't even remember the names of that person. A pronoun is a non specific way of addressing someone and a break life saver like "you"...
To to switch to an all inclusive them/they for everybody seems overreaching.
If it's not obvious what pronouns someone prefers, then they shouldn't be annoyed if someone makes repeatedly mistakes.
And this makes it hard to distinguish a mistake from an insult...
The problem isn't someone getting a pronoun wrong on occasion. It's when someone deliberately uses the wrong one, and often times stresses the the pronunciation, in order to make sure you know they choose to use the wrong one deliberately.
It isn't about remembering names, it's about being willing to use the correct one when informed. Exchange pronouns for proper names to test the concept.
If you forget someone's name and you think it is 'Pat' but it is actually 'Kelly' would you continue to call them '~~Kelly~~Pat'after remembering that it is '~~Pat~~Kelly'?
*Edit: I love that I mixed myself up even in my example. But to prove my point I'll call the correction out and be fine with that.
If the same person repeatedly makes the same mistake after being corrected it's fair to think that person might be an asshole.
We started calling my wife's narcissistic psychopathic Russian ex dipshit because we got tired of having to use his name. Now I barely remember his name, it's just dip shit
Then one day she got tired of his crap, beat the shit out of him, so now we just call him dip
I've had people say "you" is a slur.
Fuck off.
I could make a more detailed argument, but no. I should not need to.
Imagine one would genuinely not care about being called dipshit under the given circumstances. Context and intent are more important than the choice of words. I can't call something retarded, but I can call it demented. Crazy is fine, slow isn't. If it were about people and slurs, both words would be banned, but only one is, leaving the feeling of oppression under the banner of Good rather than it being actually about change for the better.
"Is it possible to learn this allegory?"
"Not from the Daily Wire."
I thought this was a post about the overuse of “dude”