this post was submitted on 09 Mar 2025
661 points (100.0% liked)

Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] [email protected] 259 points 1 week ago (4 children)

It's a riddle. It was made of ice.

[–] [email protected] 69 points 1 week ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 53 points 1 week ago (2 children)

... some stay dry, others feel the pain.

[–] [email protected] 21 points 1 week ago

😂🍫🌧️

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[–] [email protected] 198 points 1 week ago (2 children)

I like how he clarifies that he lives alone.

"Sure, one of my roommates could have come in and poked around in my butthole while I was sleeping. But no one was in a position to do such a thing."

[–] [email protected] 60 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Occam's razor and all that

[–] Cordyceps_cereal 30 points 1 week ago (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 29 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Hey I had a roommate that would steal my inserted butt plugs while I was sleeping.

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[–] [email protected] 190 points 1 week ago (3 children)

Anon needs to go to a hospital soon

[–] [email protected] 150 points 1 week ago (1 children)

but sadly, Anon is American

[–] [email protected] 122 points 1 week ago (1 children)

The worst condition of them all.

[–] [email protected] 34 points 1 week ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 33 points 1 week ago (3 children)
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[–] [email protected] 119 points 1 week ago (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 91 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Buttplug fairy takes the buttplug and leaves you with a shart.

Know your local mythology.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (5 children)
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[–] [email protected] 77 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

Did it have a flared end?

If yes:

It's in the toilet, he sleep walked and took a shit and doesn't remember.

or

He pooped it out while sleeping and his dog ate it.

If no:

Butt plug goblins.

They can be warded away with a metamucil potion.

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[–] [email protected] 63 points 1 week ago (4 children)

Mmmm, that's some fresh greentext too!

[–] [email protected] 38 points 1 week ago

So fresh it's still green

[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Oh wow. I've never seen one this fresh!

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[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 week ago

Yeah it doesn't have the remnants of being compressed to .jpg over 1000 times over. Just doesn't have the same feeling with it though.

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[–] [email protected] 47 points 1 week ago (8 children)

Do people actually do this?

[–] [email protected] 66 points 1 week ago (11 children)

People aren't buying all those butt plugs for decoration. People fall asleep. I don't imagine many people sleep with them on purpose, but certaintly possible to pass out with a butt plug in place.

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[–] [email protected] 47 points 1 week ago (6 children)

Maybe? This came from 4Chan so it's very possible it could be entirely made up lol

[–] [email protected] 28 points 1 week ago (1 children)

"The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood. Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact."

Literally on 4chan as a header.

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[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 week ago

Anything on 4chan I assume isn't real, but pretend it is. More fun that way.

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[–] [email protected] 22 points 1 week ago (11 children)
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[–] [email protected] 44 points 1 week ago

Anon will need a plumber because he got up in a daze to use the bathroom.

[–] [email protected] 33 points 1 week ago

i rate this greentext fake on scale of 1 to gay

[–] [email protected] 29 points 1 week ago (16 children)
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[–] [email protected] 26 points 1 week ago (2 children)

I dunno how exhausted or drunk you’d have to be to pass out with one of those things inserted. Seems like it’d feel like a turd half out and your body would prefer you deal with that and not fall asleep.

[–] [email protected] 38 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Spoken like somebody who's never used a butt plug

[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Yeah, that’s why I said “seems like” and not “when I do it (this) happens”.

You do you.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 week ago (1 children)

You should also do you... with a butt plug.

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[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 week ago (3 children)

Nah good ones are pretty comfy and after a while if you don't cause it to shift you forget it's there

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[–] [email protected] 23 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Was getting in the way of the aliens probing anon

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[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Have you checked for any holes in your wall? Maybe you coughed or sneezed while sleeping.

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[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 week ago

butt plug tom strikes again

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 week ago

It's under the bed.

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