this post was submitted on 21 Feb 2025
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Summary

Edward Coristine, a 19-year-old DOGE staffer recently promoted to a senior adviser role in the State Department, is reportedly the grandson of former KGB spy Valery Martynov.

Martynov was executed in the Soviet Union after being exposed as an FBI informant. Coristine, an alleged former cybercriminal, previously worked in the General Services Administration and now has potential access to sensitive diplomatic data.

Concerns have been raised over his background and apparent lack of a security check.

The situation fuels fears about foreign influence in U.S. government operations.

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[–] [email protected] 173 points 1 month ago (5 children)

Big Balls looks like a Connecticut boat shoe that came to life.

[–] [email protected] 88 points 1 month ago (2 children)

He looks like a half dressed toddler. Nice of him to give everyone an immediate visual cue for what they’re about to deal with, I guess.

[–] [email protected] 29 points 1 month ago

Maybe musk will start carrying him around.

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[–] [email protected] 30 points 1 month ago

That’s a wonderfully specific yet accurate description. Up you go.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Sporting that bussin' broccoli top 🥦

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 month ago

Big Broccoli

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 month ago

I know it's a long shot, but I so want sanity restored and people like him rounded the fuck up and charged with breaking into government systems.

I want the legal system to wipe that fucking smug look right off their faces.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 month ago

"had to do it to 'em"

[–] [email protected] 116 points 1 month ago (6 children)

[slightly off topic]

I'm a native of the Northeastern United States and I've lived in numerous areas depicted in the media as being under the influence of 'organized crime.' To wit, Harlem, lower Manhattan, Hell's Kitchen, and Staten Island.

Actual tough guys never have nicknames like 'Big Balls.' Never. The guys you fear have names like 'the Chin,' or 'Bumpy,' or 'Legs.' Al Capone's buddies called him 'Snorky.'

[–] [email protected] 59 points 1 month ago (3 children)

Yeah street names are always an endearing insult

[–] [email protected] 29 points 1 month ago (3 children)

Pilot's nicknames / unofficial callsigns often are as well, some kind of back handed reference to a fuck-up or troublesome character trait.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Knew a pilot who's nickname was über. Last name? Guay.

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[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 month ago (1 children)

The exception to that is one I read about a few years back about a carrier based pilot. Callsign was S T A B which stood for shit twice and bailed

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[–] [email protected] 22 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Maybe that's what this is. Like calling a fat guy slim, or a tall guy tiny. Maybe he's used to many steroids and actually shrunk his balls

[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Look at his photo... there's no steroid use there. He's just got a pair of undescended testes, they're missing.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 month ago (2 children)

That's horrifying, wtf happened?

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 month ago (1 children)

A 23-year-old dubbed the Russian “Popeye” had three pounds of dead muscle removed after his DIY bodybuilding injections went awry.

Kirill Tereshin used petroleum jelly to build fake muscle mass in his arms. Before he underwent critical surgery, his arms were approximately 24 inches in diameter.

https://globalnews.ca/news/6198555/russian-popeye-bodybuilder-injections/

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 month ago (1 children)

WTF I assumed it was a Photoshop

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[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Lol, I didn't say he worked out, just that he took the steroids. Probably thinking they'd do all the work for him.

Though your theory seems to have some merit.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 month ago

Allegedly Elon’s chest shape is what happens when you take HGH and don’t exercise. Not a doctor or a bodybuilder so I can’t say whether that’s true, but if the shoe fits ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

I worked in construction and we used radios to communicate between crews. One kid insisted we call him 'AntDawg.' His name was Anthony.

It's started with 'Labradoodle.' He put up with that for two days before bitching he didn't wanna be Labradoodle. Everyone agreed it was too annoying over the radio, so we all agreed to shorten it. Doodle still hates his name.

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[–] [email protected] 90 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Surely the fact that he's 19 and a senior advisor in a state department is more damning than his lineage? And that Trump is very obviously friendly with Putin?

I think this familial connection is just a storm in a teacup which is sitting inside a much larger storm.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 month ago (3 children)

U know what I was doing at 19 years old? Nothing…nothing that counted as work. I won a bacon eating contest at college and played a ton of Mario Kart 64.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 month ago (2 children)

And that was very responsible of you. Wish more people would be participating in bacon eating contests over actively making the world a worse place. Please play video games and go have harmless fun. It's better for society.

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[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 month ago

Surely the fact that he's 19 and a senior advisor in a state department is more damning than his lineage?

Well firstly, it is the media, they love to sensationalise so they came up with this attention grabbing headline.

And that Trump is very obviously friendly with Putin?

At first I thought both simply have the same ideological inclination, and the speculation that Putin has a kompromat on Trump is a meme. Now, I am increasingly becoming convinced on the latter. Not even Mussolini bent this low to Hitler.

[–] [email protected] 81 points 1 month ago

You can't even make this shit up...

[–] [email protected] 46 points 1 month ago (1 children)

It is so sad how fitting this image is and will be for the foreseeable future.

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[–] [email protected] 36 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Even if this stupid asshole isn't related to a KGB spy...WTAF:

recently promoted to a senior adviser role in the State Department

He's a FUCKING TEENAGER. The guy cannot even legally drink. Cannot rent a car.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 month ago

Elon's just excited he found someone almost as rizzless as he is.

[–] [email protected] 32 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (8 children)

I don’t get this angle.

So his grandparent was someone who on being exposed to the American way of life converted to the American side, helped America, and was killed by the Soviets for it. And they’re what, worried this previous generations pro-American views will somehow influence the kid today?

Go with them being a cybercriminal thing, not some bizzaro sins of the father nonsense.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 month ago (2 children)

It's the kind of thing you'd have to disclose before getting a security clearance. And the FBI would be the ones to decide if it's okay. Not Elon.

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[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 month ago

The angle is that the Overton window shifted so far right that the disagreement is now which foreigners (and secret, domestic foreigners) are to blame for the country's decline.

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[–] [email protected] 30 points 1 month ago (4 children)

What kind of North Korean "sins of the father" shit is this?

Punish him for his actions of helping Musk take over the government in a coup, not that his grandad did spycraft every nation did in the Cold War.

I don't care if he was the grandson of Jesus Christ and Buddha if he is a dipshit fascist. Fascists get called out for being fascists, not being related to one they might have never known.

[–] [email protected] 23 points 1 month ago (23 children)

National security isn't fair because its more important than being fair and those who are for any reasons suspect are free to do any of the other hundreds of millions of jobs.

People are absolutely suspect because of their associations.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 month ago

Exactly this. Top Secret clearance typically extends out to three degrees of separation. They’ll check on you, your friends/family, and their friends/family. Because when national security is concerned, they don’t want to risk a leak due to something like a cousin being a spy and going drinking after work with the employee.

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[–] [email protected] 23 points 1 month ago (1 children)

"Big Balls" huh. This is 100% the same situation as calling the dude that can bench a school bus "Tiny".

Looking at a photo, this dude definitely has a pair of undescended testicles. They're missing for sure.

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[–] [email protected] 19 points 1 month ago

America is Putins puppet. Musk is sitting in between getting richer while Trump does Russia’s wants.

Look at the Russian playbook. Look at the current U.S. playbook.

Insert image of “the office <they’re the same image>.jpg here.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 month ago

How the Hell does someone have a background as both a cybercriminal and a GSA employee at 19? I mean, sure, you can be a cybercriminal as an adolescent. But why is the GSA even hiring anybody that young at all?

[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 month ago (4 children)

And what is anyone doing about it?

I am seeing nothing but stories today about how trump, musk, and musk’s incel groupies are all tied to russia. And no one arresting them for being undocumented foreign agents.

So why bother reporting?

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 month ago

America is in shock at the moment.

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[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 month ago (5 children)

There's plenty to go off here, but this is a stretch.

My grandfathers were an RAAF pilot and a South African Navy man. None of that has anything to do with what I am. I'd be unprepared if people started attacking me about such topics as I know almost nothing about them.

[–] [email protected] 23 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Counter point: KGB spies trained for the long con, having families, naturalising, bringing their kids into the system.

In most other things lineage like that doesn't matter, you're right. But this one time..

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 month ago

In this case though the KGB agent was killed by Russia for being an FBI double agent. This is a weird angle of attack. I HATE "DODGE" and this kid almost assuredly shouldn't be in the position they are, but for other reasons.

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[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 month ago
[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 month ago

Big balls attacks again

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 month ago (1 children)

So what? The KGB hasn't existed for 30 years or more. My dad was a dead beat, what does that matter? The bigger problem is what he is doing not who his parents and grand parents were lol

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[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 month ago

wtf are current events even lmao

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